Truly pathetic

I’m so violently disturbed

by my own vulnerability-

the way it slips out without permission,

a trembling thing I cannot contain.

There’s something so humiliating

about my tears- that come too quickly,

the crack in my voice-that gives me away,

the way my eyes scan faces, desperate

to decode their approval- my brain translating their lack of approval as a lack of my worth,

I am tired of being this raw,

this open wound,

this begging thing,

but no matter how hard I clench my fists,

I am still soft inside.